Misgendering Among Trans People: Accidental or Intentional?

When discussing the topic of misgendering, it is important to consider the perspectives and experiences of transgender individuals. In this article, we will explore the question of whether transgender people misgender each other, and if so, whether this causes less pain than when misgendered by cisgender individuals. Additionally, we will delve into the consequences of intentional misgendering and the ongoing challenge of misgendering due to superficial appearances.

Accidental versus Intentional Misgendering

Many people, including myself, occasionally misgender others without conscious intent. This happens often to trans people who do not fully pass, as our brains naturally register gender based on appearance. A deliberate effort is required to correct this unconscious process. Despite this, it is rare for transgender individuals to misgender each other intentionally, even in heated arguments or conflicts. This is because the misgendering is often a mistake rather than a deliberate act.

When misgendered by another trans person, the pain and hurt are similar to those experienced when a cisgender individual misgenders someone. However, there is an added layer of understanding and context. Many trans people can often recognize that the misgendering was accidental due to the other person's awareness and likely immediate self-correction and apology. In contrast, cisgender individuals may not instantly recognize or apologize for misgendering, leading to a less clear cut situation.

Navigating the Challenge of Misgendering

Misgendering can be particularly challenging for transgender individuals who do not pass well. The brain's natural inclination to assign gender based on appearance makes it difficult to override, even with conscious effort. For individuals like myself, who do not attempt to pass, misgendering is more noticeable. Those who make an effort to identify the correct gender are sometimes immediately recognized through their self-correction and apologies.

It is also crucial to acknowledge the existence of insensible practices within the trans community, such as intentionally misgendering someone as an insult. Misgendering someone you are angry with or as a form of spite is not only reprehensible but it also completely invalidates the person's sense of self. As one example, a friend of mine once deliberately misgendered me during an argument to cause harm. While he was a trans person, his actions were unacceptable, and we ultimately terminated our friendship.

The Impact of Misgendering

Whether intentional or accidental, misgendering can have a profound impact on an individual's sense of self and psychological well-being. Transgender individuals who experience misgendering can feel invalidated, disregarded, and even hurt. This is why it is essential to approach the topic with sensitivity and awareness. Misgendering can be particularly harmful when it originates from those who know the individual well, as it can feel like a betrayal of trust.

When misgendering occurs, it is important to acknowledge the pain it causes and to learn from it. Transgender individuals and their allies should strive to educate others about the impact of their actions and work towards creating a more inclusive and accepting environment. This includes recognizing the signs of discomfort and making a genuine effort to correct oneself when necessary.

Conclusion

In conclusion, while transgender individuals may occasionally misgender each other by accident, the pain and hurt are generally similar to those caused by cisgender individuals. Deliberate misgendering is not acceptable, as it can create a sense of betrayal and harm. Understanding the challenges faced by transgender individuals, especially those who do not pass well, and taking steps to avoid misgendering can help create a more supportive and inclusive community.