Reflections on Leaving a 12-Step Program: My Personal Journey

No, leaving a 12-step program did not have a negative effect on my life. The steps are amazing when they can impact lives and help; however, for me, they did nothing.

Why I Stopped Attending 12-Step Meetings

When I stopped attending 12-step meetings, I never wanted to be one of those individuals who threw their toys out of the pram and said, "This sucks." I am deeply indebted to 12-step programs, and I still did a meeting every month or so, even when I wasn’t attending regularly.

I like meetings, and most of my mates are there. It was just more work than I wanted to do when I moved overseas to find a new bunch of friends. After a couple of years, I realized I missed it, and I was a better person and a better husband when I attended. And it wasn’t the attendance alone. 12-step meetings are a pain in the ass when you don’t actually work a 12-step program. When you're involved in service, have a sponsor, and work the steps, it's a fulfilling and enjoyable thing.

So, I went back, and within a few weeks, it was like I never left.

Irrefutably, I know this: alcoholism, in my case, affects everyone differently. Therefore, whatever I say should not be a recommendation for anyone else. But I stopped going after 20 years of Alcoholics Anonymous and have no plans to go back.

My 20-Year Journey in Alcoholics Anonymous

20 years! I got divorced, my wife drank herself into a stupor and moved away, I tried Al-Anon just because the enormous problems surrounding me were being caused by someone else, and AA didn't really want to hear about it. I have dear friends from AA, and I was very involved. After I left, and I consider it a non-event, my life has probably improved as it had steadily been doing for 20 years.

When you learn a new way of living and practice it for 20 years—it’s been 26 years as of today for me, sober—those are the new habits you live by. Living a sober life and trying to help others takes no effort.

I understand attending meetings is a way of demonstrating the program works, even if I feel I don’t need it myself, and I did that for a long time. But I no longer attend mostly because of what I need for my own personal growth at this time.

Challenges of Joining a 12-Step Program

People leave AA and 12-step programs more frequently than they join them. People leave before they enter just scared off by the reputation of the organization, the religious or spiritual nature they suspect it has, and the enthusiasm which can seem suspicious.

But, more importantly, asking if someone leaving a 12-step group had an effect on their life implies that when you join one, you’re expected to stay with it for the rest of your life. I’m not sure that's actually written anywhere. I do give back. I practice the principles of AA, which are not specific to alcohol but good rules for living.

Conclusion and Support

My hope is that this reflection is helpful to others who may be considering leaving or who are new to the 12-step community. God bless!