Why People with CPTSD Disintegrate When Therapists or Loved Ones Abandon Them

Introduction

Those dealing with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) often struggle significantly when loved ones or therapists abandon them, a situation that can lead to a phenomenon known as 'disintegration.' This article delves into the reasons behind this behavior and provides a comprehensive understanding of the psychological mechanisms at play. Understanding these intricate dynamics can help both the individual and the support network provide the necessary care and intervention.

Understanding the Mechanism of Disintegration

Implicit Memories and Emotional Triggers

Individuals with CPTSD carry deep-seated fears and anxieties that are rooted in early experiences of trauma and abandonment. These experiences are often stored as implicit memories, which are triggered by emotional thinking and states of mind. When these triggers are activated, individuals may revert to their emotional minds, which recall past instances of being loved and then abandoned. This reenactment of the trauma can cause a dramatic disintegration of their current state of being, as they experience the same feelings of vulnerability and terror as they did in the past.

Attachment Styles

People with CPTSD can have different attachment styles, which greatly influence their reactions to abandonment. Some individuals have an avoidant attachment style, meaning they are cautious and may push relationships away. Others may exhibit an anxious attachment style, characterized by intense relational desperation and fear of abandonment. These differing styles of attachment reflect how they perceive and trust others, which can lead to very different behavioral patterns upon perceived abandonment.

Factors Contributing to Disintegration

Internal and External Circumstances

Disintegration during perceived abandonment occurs because of the interplay between internal and external factors. Those with CPTSD often find it challenging to break harmful thought patterns and habits unless surrounding situations change. Simultaneously, changes in the environment, though potentially beneficial, can lead to confusion and difficulty in trusting both oneself and the new environment. This cognitive and emotional dissonance results in an intense fear of being proven wrong about one's own perceptions, which can exacerbate the disintegration process.

Emotional Flooding

For those with CPTSD, emotional flooding is a critical aspect of disintegration. They lack the coping mechanisms to handle intense emotions, especially when a significant attachment figure (like a therapist or loved one) leaves. This emotional flooding is often met with self-blame and the reinforcement of negative schemas and fear-based patterns of relating. Unlike the avoidant individual who might predict and self-fulfill negative outcomes, the anxious person clings to the relationship tightly, only to be devastated when faced with the possibility of abandonment.

Common Confusions and Dynamics

Pull-Push Dynamics

Understanding the complex and often contradictory dynamics in relationships with individuals who have CPTSD is crucial. They may display behaviors that seem contradictory, such as pushing a therapist or loved one away while simultaneously seeking their emotional support. This phenomenon, known as the "push-pull" dynamic, is a key aspect of disorganized attachment patterns. These individuals are both driven by a need for closeness and security and fear the same simultaneously. The confusion and dissonance they experience can be excruciating, making it essential for both the individual and the support network to approach these dynamics with patience and understanding.

Empathy and Support

Importance of Understanding

To truly understand and support someone with CPTSD, it is crucial to recognize the traumatic history and the deep-seated fears that influence their behavior. Those with CPTSD did not have a consistent, nurturing caregiver or "secure base" to develop independence, self-worth, and healthy coping mechanisms. It is impossible for someone without such experiences to fully comprehend the disintegration that results from perceived abandonment. Therefore, empathy, patience, and a willingness to learn about and support the individual's unique needs are essential.

Providing a secure and consistent environment, even if it is not perfect, can help mitigate the disintegration process. Supportive therapy that focuses on trauma healing, emotional regulation, and developing secure attachment styles can significantly improve outcomes. Networks of friends and family should strive to provide a stable and loving foundation, recognizing that every individual's journey is different and requires a tailored approach.

By understanding the complex?CPTSD and its disintegration patterns, we can create more compassionate and effective support systems for those who have experienced profound emotional trauma.